THE B'ARKIES

The B'Arkies is a one-act, ten minute play; an Amélie-type tale about a young autistic man who changes the lives of those around him with his potentially-delusional stories of a secret conspiracy of time travelers, and a young homeless woman with Tourette's syndrome.

 

Cast of Characters

DUNCAN WHEELER - Lonely, autistic man in his early twenties, one day of bad luck from being homeless, whose brain thinks far faster than he can express himself, speaks in a staccato nasal tone, has difficulty recognizing people outside of himself.

ZOE MADISON - Paranoid, depressed woman in her early twenties with mild Tourette’s, stressed after a botched robbery. Her thoughts become clouded with the people with which she interacts.

 

Props

Pillowcase
Pair of bronzed baby shoes
Cell phone
Large pen
Several dollar bills
Subway pass

PLACE

A loading dock in Harvard Square

 

TIME

Summer, early morning, long before dawn

 

ACT I

Scene 1

Setting: A loading dock at night. Lights are low. (1), (2)

At Rise: DUNCAN sits on the ground, stage left. He is absorbed into playing Solitaire on his cell phone. An audio recording of city street ambience plays in theater, with a collage of street voices (MP3) – snippets of other people’s conversations. A MAN says "I’ll swing by on my way home." A WOMAN says, "But he was saying no. Couldn’t be bothered." A MAN says, "Daniel!" A MAN says, "Very rare, I know." A WOMAN says, "Place closed last fall off the Kendall Line. Those are all near." Ambient street voices fade.
ZOE enters, right, swinging her pillowcase with her bronzed baby shoes inside. She is agitated, and stares at the ground, while the street voices repeat inside her head. She notices Duncan but does not care. She paces a few feet from him.

ZOE

(Spoken quickly, expunging them from her head)

Swings by. Saying no. Bothered. Daniel! Rare. Closed. Kendall. All near.

(ZOE is relieved, and stops pacing.)

DUNCAN

(Brief pause. Repeating her, as if the words were in his head. He does not recognize she exists.)

Swings by no bothered. Daniel rare. Kendall near.

ZOE

What the fuck is your problem?

DUNCAN

(Looks up at her, realizes she exists. Chews lip.)

Nothing. Nothing. I’m not. I’m playing Solitaire.

ZOE

So knock it off.

DUNCAN (averting eyes)

I am. I’m sorry.

ZOE

For what?

DUNCAN

I don’t know.

ZOE

(realizing he is not a threat)

Jesus. Who are you?

DUNCAN

Duncan.

ZOE

Are you sleeping here tonight?

DUNCAN

Naw. I sublet a couch. From this girl.

ZOE

Uh huh.

DUNCAN

She’s having sex on it right now.

ZOE

By herself?

DUNCAN

Nah. There’s a guy too.

ZOE

So you don’t mind if I crash here?

DUNCAN

Nah.

ZOE

(Sits)

Hey, you hang out with William? The big guy? Beard? Walks around Harvard Square in chainmail with a sword?

DUNCAN

A claymore. He owes me twenty dollars.

ZOE

Have you seen him today?

DUNCAN

Nah.

ZOE

Fuck. I called him.

DUNCAN

He’s in trouble. He ruined his chainmail in the dishwasher.

ZOE

So he’s busy all night.

DUNCAN

Does he owe you money too?

ZOE

How much you got?

DUNCAN

Fuck you.

ZOE

Check this out.

(Takes out bronzed baby shoes from her pillowcase.)

DUNCAN

Okay.

ZOE

They’re solid gold.

DUNCAN

Nuh uh.

ZOE

Yeah they are. I’m not stupid, you know? Look at the back of the left one, where I poked the hole. There’s no shoe inside. Take it.

(DUNCAN takes the bronzed baby shoes with a loose grip.)

ZOE

Be careful.

DUNCAN

I will.

ZOE

But you see? It’s gold made to look like bronze shoes.

DUNCAN

Kinda. How do they get it in this shape?

ZOE

Like rings. In a mold.

DUNCAN

Nah. Maybe they dipped the shoes in gold and the shoes burned away and this was left.

ZOE

So what do you think it’s worth?

DUNCAN

I think I see a shoe in it.

ZOE

(Tries to take it back, DUNCAN hangs onto it.)

Fuck you. Let it go.

DUNCAN

Grab it better.

ZOE

Give it.

DUNCAN

Grab it better!

ZOE

(Yanks it from his hands)

What the fuck?

DUNCAN

You had to grab it better because you didn’t have it better and it was going to fall and it was going to be my fault.

ZOE

(Examines baby shoes for damage)

Okay. Don’t tell anyone about it.

DUNCAN

Yeah. You think William will buy it?

ZOE

He knows someone with a kiln. They can melt it. And I’ll sell it.

DUNCAN

Melting and selling. Smelting. Hey, do you really want me to make it gold?

ZOE

Would you shut up?

DUNCAN

But the B’Arkies can do it.

ZOE

Where are they?

DUNCAN

I don’t know. But they owe me a favor.

ZOE

Who are they?

DUNCAN

The B’Arkies came here to put a bomb in the Big Dig. But it’s not going to hurt anybody. They need a distraction so they can put the sarcophagus in one of the glory holes so it’ll last a thousand years.

(ZOE stares at him.)

They used do to experiments on me.

ZOE

Oh.

DUNCAN

They gave me a pen and I can use it to zap myself and I can make myself do anything. I once used it to jump up a fire escape because this lady had made the best bread in the world and she wouldn’t give me any but I got some. It won’t work on you though.

ZOE

Just you.

DUNCAN

Yeah. B’Arkies can do anything. They can replace every atom in your shoes until they’re gold.

ZOE

Why?

DUNCAN

They owe me. And they gotta pay it. That’s how it is.

ZOE

That’s bullshit. You know that’s bullshit, right? You don’t know any terrorists.

DUNCAN

Time travelers.

ZOE

Forget it.

DUNCAN

(desperate)

I know you say that. But you see, Dunkin Donuts should taste the same everywhere because they’re from the same plant. But they don’t. When I take the bus to Salem, the donuts there taste like taste. Not like here. It sounds bullshit but it’s not. The B’Arkies aren’t bullshit.

ZOE

Because donuts taste better in Salem.

DUNCAN

Everything. The air’s better. The fruit’s not brown.

ZOE

So go live there.

DUNCAN

Nah. Work’s here. My couch’s here. The B’Arkies are here.

ZOE

Yeah. I’m going to crash for a bit, okay?

DUNCAN

Okay. You want me to watch the shoes?

ZOE

No. Just do anything else.

DUNCAN

I could go to William’s house to see if he’s in.

ZOE

That sounds great. And if he’s not there, you should wait for him.

DUNCAN

I’m gonna. I’ll send him here when I see him.

ZOE

You are wonderful. Just go.

(DUNCAN walks off, left. ZOE curls up around her pack and sleeps on the ground. A recording of a clock ticking plays (MP3). DUNCAN returns, approaching her from left.)

 

Request the second half of the play from the author.

 

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